3 Keys to Stop Second Guessing Your Decisions

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A number of years ago my family and I agonized over a decision that seemed so daunting and life altering, that no right answer seemed obvious. We had several job offers that could take us to Kansas City, Missouri or back home to Southwest Washington State. As my wife and I went back and forth, a kind friend offered this piece of advice: “Often, there is no wrong decision. You could go any direction and they’ll all take you down different paths and each of them could be right.” Basically, what he was trying to tell us was that once we’d made a decision, not to second guess it. A decision made consciously and deliberately yesterday, is very likely still the correct decision today. Beating ourselves up over what didn’t happen is counterproductive at best. That line of thinking holds us back because it dwells in the past. Unless circumstances have changed dramatically, what was right yesterday is still right today. Still, people tend to second guess themselves, often regretting a choice that felt right only moments ago.

Now, I’m not suggesting that there aren’t legitimate bad decisions that sometimes need corrected. Typically, when one alternative is bad, we know it before the choice is even made. I’m talking about competing “good” decisions. What is it that so often causes us so much uncertainty in those areas? Its human nature I suppose; we want it all.  To combat the sometimes hopeless and almost always negative feeling of second guessing a decision, I’ve found the following practices to be helpful:

1. You’re the leader of your life. Resolve to make the choice, whatever it is (or was) and move on. By picturing yourself as the decisive CEO and authority of your life, you can effectively alter your thought pattern from uncertainty to confidence. Since second guessing is largely an emotional manifestation of a lack of confidence in our choice, this strategy can be especially effective. When I start second guessing a decision, I actually mentally picture myself standing up straight, eyes locked forward with resolve and confidence, pressing forward in the face of adversity. Like a General shirking off the stress of a battle and making quick, tough decisions. It sounds silly, but the practice actually cultivates a self-image of decisiveness and action in me. I quickly remind myself that whatever decision that I’m starting to second guess is old news. What matters now is what’s in front; the decisions to be made today. Choices need to be put in their proper perspective. In reality, you likely won’t be thinking about this choice next year, next month or even next week. And, if it’s a big decision (like moving across the country), cultivate a forward thinking state of mind and forget about the “what ifs” had you made a different choice.
2. Write things down. My daughter once jokingly remarked “when in doubt, list it out!” When her mind is cluttered with multiple competing interests, she organizes her thoughts into a list. There is something that happens when pen is put to paper that helps quiet a noisy mind. The reality is that this is very often the best way to think ourselves through a tough decision. For me, as I write I find that a more clarified sense of my decision emerges. As a result, I gain confidence in choosing one option over another and am less prone to regret my final choice. The process of writing allows my mind to get out of the “loop” that occurs when a number of thoughts compete for the same thought space. That loop happens when our “train of thought” has become a roller-coaster, going nowhere but taking us on an unsettling ride in the process. Ultimately what happens is we think only superficially about the various options rather than considering anything deeply. Our emotional brain gives only cursory time to focus on any one thing. By writing, we force our mind to critically think through our options in order to find the proper words. The entire process is empowering and confidence boosting.
3. Think about something else. When all else fails, it’s time to alter your train of thought. If the weight of a regrettable choice is pushing you down to a point where you experience anxiety or depression you need to snap yourself out of it. Trust me, this is a big struggle for me too. Just saying, “think about something else” is easier said than done. It really takes physical action first; our emotions will follow. In that way, I’ve found that the best way of altering my thought and emotional pattern is to change my environment. If I’m inside, going outside or going for a drive both tend to help. Sometimes I’ll read a book. I’ll go in another room and watch television to break my thought pattern. What you do doesn’t matter; rather, the act of changing what you’re doing does. The key is to physically do something different.

 
These simple strategies can help you develop a more confident mindset which in turn will help you become more confident in your decisions. As you learn not to dwell in yesterday’s choices, you’ll find yourself developing a more positive and hopeful attitude. Subsequently, you’ll find a greater measure of productivity and success in life.

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