Sometimes, the path of least resistance is the best course. If you’re driving to see family for the holidays, it probably makes more sense to take the highways rather than the “off road” path. Often however, the difficult path is exactly the one we need to be on, particularly when we’re working toward a big goal. This is because resistance serves as a compass, pointing us straight towards our target. It makes intuitive sense; nobody expects to achieve anything great without encountering difficulty. So, if you’ve got a grand ambition that you’ve been putting off because you don’t know where to start, first identify where the greatest resistance is and then, move toward it.

Resistance prevents action. It doesn’t take place when we’re simply contemplating an idea. It’s the “doing” that is stifled. We come up with myriad excuses to justify not taking action. If your goal is to write a book, you’ll find that there’s a million excuses to put off writing. In other words, there is a force working to prevent you from writing. That force is resistance.

If you dream of starting your own business and have a vision, a plan and desire but you still haven’t taken action, you’ve encountered resistance. Sometimes it’s fear, sometimes it’s uncertainty but it always exists within the confines of our minds. Though it’s born and fed in our minds, its action that will ultimately defeat it. With that in mind, here are a few tips to help you overcome resistance and begin (or continue) your journey towards achieving your dreams.

• Take small steps – Often, people fail to take action because the goal seems so big and insurmountable that any action we take won’t make a dent in it. They justify the lack of action by telling themselves that they’ll begin when they’re in a position to make a bigger impact. They say things like, “I’ll do it when________.” There’s always some future threshold that they say will trigger action toward the goal. The problem is, it always seems to be a moving target.

 
“I’ll do it when I’m done with school.” When school is done, other responsibilities take over and action gets punted further into the future.
 
The cure for this is to continually take small steps. Sure, writing 500 words today isn’t enough to publish a book. But repeat the process over and over and you’ll get there. Probably before you would have otherwise started.

• Keep your vision in mind – When working toward a big goal where achievement is months or years into the future, it’s crucial to have some way of motivating yourself. When resistance is staring you in the face, what inspires you to press on? What does the finished product look like? What does completing it mean for you and your family?

• Forget about what other people think – Fear plays such a big role in preventing people from taking action. We fear embarrassing ourselves. We fear the judgments of others. It’s always safer to keep your head low and not take any chances. Of course, playing it safe doesn’t usually result in anything significant. Removing the fear of judgment is liberating. It opens up possibilities that didn’t exist before and sets us up to learn from engaging in the process of creation. Remember the old adage, “It’s none of your business what other people think of you” and dive in. Accept that fact that you’ll make mistakes and resolve to learn from them. If you don’t take the step, you’ll never know what you can learn.

Resistance points the course. Determine what and where it is and move towards it. Take small steps, always keep your vision in mind and forget about what other people think. The naysayers have never achieved what you will achieve. You got this.

For more on the topic of Resistance, check out Steven Pressfield's book "Do the Work".

One of the principal influencers in my journey of personal growth and learning has been books. A variety of books from a variety of authors. Books expose us to new ideas and different styles and methods of going through the process of becoming all we can be. They can be empowering and they can help us overcome sticking points in our own philosophies.

I first realized that I did have the ability to speak confidently with people when I read How to Win Friends and Influence People for the first time as a teenager. Before that, I was so debilitatingly shy that my lip quivered when a girl tried to talk to me! Read voraciously and indiscriminately. If there are nuggets of wisdom that you can use, take them and make them your own. Below is a list of books (In no particular order) that have had a significant impact on my life. I’m eager to hear your thoughts too! What books have most impacted you? List them in the comments below!

• 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership – John C. Maxwell

Written in John Maxwell’s personal and affable style, I consider this a must read for leaders and aspiring leaders. After each law is described, you’ll find yourself agreeing with Maxwell and mentally incorporating it into your interpersonal relationships.

•  Man’s Search for Meaning – Viktor E. Frankl

Sometimes shocking, sometimes profound and always impactful. Every time I read it I feel a deeper understanding for what makes us human and a desire to be a little better myself.

•  The Motivation Manifesto – Brendon Burchard

Written in prose sounding like the Declaration of Independence this is one of the most empowering books I’ve read. It will make you believe in yourself a bit more. After sitting down with this book for a while, you’ll want to go out and tackle all of the challenges life brings; and come out on top.

• How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie

This is an oldie but still a best seller for a very good reason: it’s timelessly relevant. This book taught me, a boy too scared and shy to ever engage someone else in conversation, how to confidently speak to people. Once I learned the techniques described by Carnegie, I was able to build on it and add my own personality. I wouldn’t be where I am without this book.

• Education of a Wandering Man – Louis L’Amour

L’Amour’s autobiography may seem out of place to some, but I simply couldn’t put this book down the first time I read it. It taught me that all of life is an education; that learning doesn’t only take place in schools. L’Amour was a fascinating and inspiring man with an equally fascinating life.

• Do the Work – Steven Pressfield

This book is so short, you can probably finish it in a single one hour sitting. But don’t let the length fool you. I’ve read this one at least 20 times because it motivates me like nothing else. Pressfield teaches how to cut through all of the resistance that prevents us from achieving our dreams.

• Start With Why – Simon Sinek

There’s a reason that Simon Sinek is regarded as one of the great contemporary thought leaders. If you want to galvanize what you need to do to tackle any big endeavor, you must start with why! Sinek describes the philosophy in detail and shows readers how to establish a “why” that facilitates motivation and action.

• Everyone Communicates, Few Connect – John C. Maxwell

If Dale Carnegie got me started as a communicator, John Maxwell helped me understand how to incorporate my own personality into the process. He teaches how to find common ground and truly connect with people. If you aspire to become a great leader, this is another must read as it will not only help you rally people to your cause, it will help you build them up to be all they can be.

• Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion – Robert Cialdini

Warning: while you read this book you’ll be awakened to all the times people attempted to persuade you towards an idea or product and you weren’t even aware it was happening. Fascinating, scientific and incredibly revealing, this book teaches how to understand why people agree to certain things and how to incorporate it into your life or business.

What are your favorite books? Please list them in the comments!

Love for others can come when we strive to see the good in them. This can be particularly difficult when contention and dispute arise. Think for a moment about the stories our minds create, even without conscious effort. We create them for ourselves, and our adversaries in any conflict, small or large. In our story, typically, we view ourselves as the heroes. Those with views contrary to our own are the villains; we create a story about them that depicts them as liars, cheaters, and all around bad people. It’s a mental exercise; we don’t sit down and craft a detailed narrative of the story. Its purpose is simply to justify our emotional reactions to various interactions.

Think about it. The last time you passionately disagreed with someone, in your mind were you the “good guy” and they the “bad guy?”  The stories we create about people can color our opinion of them for the rest of our lives. For this reason, it takes a conscious effort to actually change the story. The first step is simply asking yourself, “Is it possible that during times of contention, people may have motives just as noble as mine?”

I’m just as guilty of creating negative stories about people as anyone else. It seems to justify what I consider to be a righteous position, but it comes at a price. The simple, passive mental exercise of depicting them as villains causes me indignation and anger. It’s not just a mental exercise either; it comes with negative physical manifestations as well. My heart rate increases and my blood pressure goes up. For what? To prove that I’m right? For a long time, I didn’t know that there was a better way.

Concocting these stories is a way of protecting ourselves from a negative self-image. Unfortunately, it also stifles us; these stories aren’t created in the forefront of our critically thinking mind. They’re manufactured by the subconscious. That means that creating the stories is the easy way to justify our feelings as a result of a challenging interaction. The difficult, and infinitely more productive and mature alternative is to think deeply about it. In this way, our conscious mind can actually change the story.

The first step is to catch yourself when you create a negative story. Force yourself to think about people as individuals with valid opinions and families who love them. Stop making them the villains of your story and take personal ownership of your circumstances. In a nutshell, stop blaming them. In my personal journey, I have noticed that I don’t have to change my opinions; I just need to become accepting of the opinions of others.

It’s important to remember that as you become more open to the opinions of others, they might not be open to yours. That’s okay. Learn to accept this as you move on by recognizing that they are at a different point in their personal journey then you are. This is about our growth. For me, by simply looking at people differently, my capacity for love grows. I become less burdened with grudges. Forgiveness comes easier. I can move on.

This is a lesson that can be applied to your life in a simple way. I once read of an executive who, every time he entered a room came up with at least one positive thought about everyone there. Even if he didn’t know the person he created a positive story about them.[i] “She has a nice smile” or “he has a firm handshake” are two very simple yet positive stories you can tell yourself about people.

I’ve found this is something that works wonders when I’m driving. If someone cuts me off, I could yell and cuss, cursing them and everything they stand for (I’m ashamed to admit, that I still succumb to that type of reaction on occasion). Or, I could simply say, “That person must be in a hurry. I hope everything is okay.” Either way, I’m not going to change the fact that they cut me off. But, by changing the story I tell myself about them, I can effectively save myself a great deal of stress and unnecessarily elevated blood pressure.


[i] Sharma, Robin. Extraordinary Leadership. Narrated by Robin Sharma. Audible, 2008. Audiobook