Sometimes, the path of least resistance is the best course. If you’re driving to see family for the holidays, it probably makes more sense to take the highways rather than the “off road” path. Often however, the difficult path is exactly the one we need to be on, particularly when we’re working toward a big goal. This is because resistance serves as a compass, pointing us straight towards our target. It makes intuitive sense; nobody expects to achieve anything great without encountering difficulty. So, if you’ve got a grand ambition that you’ve been putting off because you don’t know where to start, first identify where the greatest resistance is and then, move toward it.

Resistance prevents action. It doesn’t take place when we’re simply contemplating an idea. It’s the “doing” that is stifled. We come up with myriad excuses to justify not taking action. If your goal is to write a book, you’ll find that there’s a million excuses to put off writing. In other words, there is a force working to prevent you from writing. That force is resistance.

If you dream of starting your own business and have a vision, a plan and desire but you still haven’t taken action, you’ve encountered resistance. Sometimes it’s fear, sometimes it’s uncertainty but it always exists within the confines of our minds. Though it’s born and fed in our minds, its action that will ultimately defeat it. With that in mind, here are a few tips to help you overcome resistance and begin (or continue) your journey towards achieving your dreams.

• Take small steps – Often, people fail to take action because the goal seems so big and insurmountable that any action we take won’t make a dent in it. They justify the lack of action by telling themselves that they’ll begin when they’re in a position to make a bigger impact. They say things like, “I’ll do it when________.” There’s always some future threshold that they say will trigger action toward the goal. The problem is, it always seems to be a moving target.

 
“I’ll do it when I’m done with school.” When school is done, other responsibilities take over and action gets punted further into the future.
 
The cure for this is to continually take small steps. Sure, writing 500 words today isn’t enough to publish a book. But repeat the process over and over and you’ll get there. Probably before you would have otherwise started.

• Keep your vision in mind – When working toward a big goal where achievement is months or years into the future, it’s crucial to have some way of motivating yourself. When resistance is staring you in the face, what inspires you to press on? What does the finished product look like? What does completing it mean for you and your family?

• Forget about what other people think – Fear plays such a big role in preventing people from taking action. We fear embarrassing ourselves. We fear the judgments of others. It’s always safer to keep your head low and not take any chances. Of course, playing it safe doesn’t usually result in anything significant. Removing the fear of judgment is liberating. It opens up possibilities that didn’t exist before and sets us up to learn from engaging in the process of creation. Remember the old adage, “It’s none of your business what other people think of you” and dive in. Accept that fact that you’ll make mistakes and resolve to learn from them. If you don’t take the step, you’ll never know what you can learn.

Resistance points the course. Determine what and where it is and move towards it. Take small steps, always keep your vision in mind and forget about what other people think. The naysayers have never achieved what you will achieve. You got this.

For more on the topic of Resistance, check out Steven Pressfield's book "Do the Work".

One of the principal influencers in my journey of personal growth and learning has been books. A variety of books from a variety of authors. Books expose us to new ideas and different styles and methods of going through the process of becoming all we can be. They can be empowering and they can help us overcome sticking points in our own philosophies.

I first realized that I did have the ability to speak confidently with people when I read How to Win Friends and Influence People for the first time as a teenager. Before that, I was so debilitatingly shy that my lip quivered when a girl tried to talk to me! Read voraciously and indiscriminately. If there are nuggets of wisdom that you can use, take them and make them your own. Below is a list of books (In no particular order) that have had a significant impact on my life. I’m eager to hear your thoughts too! What books have most impacted you? List them in the comments below!

• 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership – John C. Maxwell

Written in John Maxwell’s personal and affable style, I consider this a must read for leaders and aspiring leaders. After each law is described, you’ll find yourself agreeing with Maxwell and mentally incorporating it into your interpersonal relationships.

•  Man’s Search for Meaning – Viktor E. Frankl

Sometimes shocking, sometimes profound and always impactful. Every time I read it I feel a deeper understanding for what makes us human and a desire to be a little better myself.

•  The Motivation Manifesto – Brendon Burchard

Written in prose sounding like the Declaration of Independence this is one of the most empowering books I’ve read. It will make you believe in yourself a bit more. After sitting down with this book for a while, you’ll want to go out and tackle all of the challenges life brings; and come out on top.

• How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie

This is an oldie but still a best seller for a very good reason: it’s timelessly relevant. This book taught me, a boy too scared and shy to ever engage someone else in conversation, how to confidently speak to people. Once I learned the techniques described by Carnegie, I was able to build on it and add my own personality. I wouldn’t be where I am without this book.

• Education of a Wandering Man – Louis L’Amour

L’Amour’s autobiography may seem out of place to some, but I simply couldn’t put this book down the first time I read it. It taught me that all of life is an education; that learning doesn’t only take place in schools. L’Amour was a fascinating and inspiring man with an equally fascinating life.

• Do the Work – Steven Pressfield

This book is so short, you can probably finish it in a single one hour sitting. But don’t let the length fool you. I’ve read this one at least 20 times because it motivates me like nothing else. Pressfield teaches how to cut through all of the resistance that prevents us from achieving our dreams.

• Start With Why – Simon Sinek

There’s a reason that Simon Sinek is regarded as one of the great contemporary thought leaders. If you want to galvanize what you need to do to tackle any big endeavor, you must start with why! Sinek describes the philosophy in detail and shows readers how to establish a “why” that facilitates motivation and action.

• Everyone Communicates, Few Connect – John C. Maxwell

If Dale Carnegie got me started as a communicator, John Maxwell helped me understand how to incorporate my own personality into the process. He teaches how to find common ground and truly connect with people. If you aspire to become a great leader, this is another must read as it will not only help you rally people to your cause, it will help you build them up to be all they can be.

• Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion – Robert Cialdini

Warning: while you read this book you’ll be awakened to all the times people attempted to persuade you towards an idea or product and you weren’t even aware it was happening. Fascinating, scientific and incredibly revealing, this book teaches how to understand why people agree to certain things and how to incorporate it into your life or business.

What are your favorite books? Please list them in the comments!

We’ve all had them. Bosses that not only fail to empower or inspire us, but actually make us dread going to work each day. Their positional authority has inspired volumes of writing on what it means to be a leader. After all, a person doesn’t need to be a great leader to receive a promotion; usually they performed very well in their subordinate positions and were rewarded with a higher position. However, just being great in one position doesn’t mean they’ll be great leaders.

I’ve had mostly good experiences with my superiors throughout my career and those people taught me a great deal about leadership. But, the few bad experiences helped reinforce those ideas. They taught me that there are bad ways of leading; that despite that fact that I’ve always had an interest in my positions, I could still feel completely passionless about them. I’m certain that this discouraging mindset resulted in not just decreased productivity for the companies, but higher stress levels and less happiness for my colleagues and me. With that in mind, here’s a few things that I’ve learned; things that I will avoid as I lead others.

1. A little appreciation goes a long way. This is perhaps one of the smallest things a leader can do, yet it persists as one of the most meaningful. Study after study indicate that more people leave jobs because they feel unappreciated than they do for any other reason, including money. Sincere appreciation validates all the effort and hard work a person has put in. Saying “thank you for…” is such a simple thing.

 

• Focusing on tasks and tasks alone is uninspiring – give me a “why.” In order to cultivate a spirit of shared purpose, people need to know what that purpose is. Bosses who focus people’s attention on the small picture create a culture of dis-empowerment. It conveys to people that they aren’t important enough to know bigger organizational goals. The problem is, without that big picture perspective, the small tasks seem meaningless.

 

• Actions speak louder than words. John C. Maxwell calls this the “Law of the Picture.” People do what people see. Bad bosses tell their people to perform one way, while giving themselves leeway to do the opposite. For example, they’ll demand cost cuts from subordinates while remodeling their office. The double standard creates distance between the boss and the employee and subsequently destroys any connection and undermines the boss’s credibility.

 

• Bad bosses take more credit than they deserve and give less credit than is due. Therefore, they don’t get the most out of employees. Who wants to bring good ideas when the boss is going to take credit? Conversely, a boss who shifts attention from herself to her staff, empowers people and encourages dialogue. In turn, a culture of innovation is cultivated.

 

• Micromanaging encourages turnover. Nobody wants to work for somebody who doesn’t trust them to do the smallest tasks. It’s discouraging for people. Bad bosses sometimes insert themselves into tasks that are better left to the individual members of their teams. Good bosses hire good people and empower them to do great work, to develop themselves and to be creative in their positions.

For leaders and aspiring leaders, it’s important to take note of what works as well as what doesn’t. If you want to motivate, inspire and encourage people to do more you must defiantly avoid the types of actions that bring the opposite result. Give appreciation to people. Give them a purpose, lead them by example, give them credit and empower them to do more.

A number of years ago my family and I agonized over a decision that seemed so daunting and life altering, that no right answer seemed obvious. We had several job offers that could take us to Kansas City, Missouri or back home to Southwest Washington State. As my wife and I went back and forth, a kind friend offered this piece of advice: “Often, there is no wrong decision. You could go any direction and they’ll all take you down different paths and each of them could be right.” Basically, what he was trying to tell us was that once we’d made a decision, not to second guess it. A decision made consciously and deliberately yesterday, is very likely still the correct decision today. Beating ourselves up over what didn’t happen is counterproductive at best. That line of thinking holds us back because it dwells in the past. Unless circumstances have changed dramatically, what was right yesterday is still right today. Still, people tend to second guess themselves, often regretting a choice that felt right only moments ago.

Now, I’m not suggesting that there aren’t legitimate bad decisions that sometimes need corrected. Typically, when one alternative is bad, we know it before the choice is even made. I’m talking about competing “good” decisions. What is it that so often causes us so much uncertainty in those areas? Its human nature I suppose; we want it all.  To combat the sometimes hopeless and almost always negative feeling of second guessing a decision, I’ve found the following practices to be helpful:

1. You’re the leader of your life. Resolve to make the choice, whatever it is (or was) and move on. By picturing yourself as the decisive CEO and authority of your life, you can effectively alter your thought pattern from uncertainty to confidence. Since second guessing is largely an emotional manifestation of a lack of confidence in our choice, this strategy can be especially effective. When I start second guessing a decision, I actually mentally picture myself standing up straight, eyes locked forward with resolve and confidence, pressing forward in the face of adversity. Like a General shirking off the stress of a battle and making quick, tough decisions. It sounds silly, but the practice actually cultivates a self-image of decisiveness and action in me. I quickly remind myself that whatever decision that I’m starting to second guess is old news. What matters now is what’s in front; the decisions to be made today. Choices need to be put in their proper perspective. In reality, you likely won’t be thinking about this choice next year, next month or even next week. And, if it’s a big decision (like moving across the country), cultivate a forward thinking state of mind and forget about the “what ifs” had you made a different choice.
2. Write things down. My daughter once jokingly remarked “when in doubt, list it out!” When her mind is cluttered with multiple competing interests, she organizes her thoughts into a list. There is something that happens when pen is put to paper that helps quiet a noisy mind. The reality is that this is very often the best way to think ourselves through a tough decision. For me, as I write I find that a more clarified sense of my decision emerges. As a result, I gain confidence in choosing one option over another and am less prone to regret my final choice. The process of writing allows my mind to get out of the “loop” that occurs when a number of thoughts compete for the same thought space. That loop happens when our “train of thought” has become a roller-coaster, going nowhere but taking us on an unsettling ride in the process. Ultimately what happens is we think only superficially about the various options rather than considering anything deeply. Our emotional brain gives only cursory time to focus on any one thing. By writing, we force our mind to critically think through our options in order to find the proper words. The entire process is empowering and confidence boosting.
3. Think about something else. When all else fails, it’s time to alter your train of thought. If the weight of a regrettable choice is pushing you down to a point where you experience anxiety or depression you need to snap yourself out of it. Trust me, this is a big struggle for me too. Just saying, “think about something else” is easier said than done. It really takes physical action first; our emotions will follow. In that way, I’ve found that the best way of altering my thought and emotional pattern is to change my environment. If I’m inside, going outside or going for a drive both tend to help. Sometimes I’ll read a book. I’ll go in another room and watch television to break my thought pattern. What you do doesn’t matter; rather, the act of changing what you’re doing does. The key is to physically do something different.

 
These simple strategies can help you develop a more confident mindset which in turn will help you become more confident in your decisions. As you learn not to dwell in yesterday’s choices, you’ll find yourself developing a more positive and hopeful attitude. Subsequently, you’ll find a greater measure of productivity and success in life.